Getting

Stronger

I think :)

Break down

im extremely stressed out :( and i guess this is personal, not something i like talking about, and i dont do often..buts its genuinely making my heart heavy. do u want to know how much i envy almost everyone? or better yet..how much i envy other families? u know..the ones that are more well of than mine..i mean my whole life i've been 'middle class' but honestly..now..and probably for the last few years, it has been worse than that. financialy, my family is doing so bad. it made me so sad when my mom said she was thinking of filing bankruptcy in august, saying that was the only thing she could do...it kind of brought to my eyes the reality of all this. i knew she was having trouble with bills...way too much charges on her cards...but it has goten so bad that she needs to file bankruptcy? i know i shouldn't talk about it, cuz she told me not to...but its so stressful for me. it has even goten down to eat, or not? i literaly dont eat at home anymore..there actualy isn't food to eat. and that sounds so pathetic...but we simply cant 'afford' it. i wonder does anyone else know that feeling? i never used to worry about having food.. i shouldn't have to right? i seem to always be hungry...i ask my dad or mom to buy something..they tell me to buy it with my money cuz they don't have the money. and thats embarrasing. i dont get money from my parents like most kids...school fees, clothes, random stuff..everything..is paid from my pocket. which i don't mind really, but im just scared for my parents and my overall well being. i want to do the full IB and i believe it will make my future better, but $400 in the next few weeks? idk if ill get that in my pay check. i defenetly wont be getting any help from my parents..i'd love to know for one day how it feels to go to ur mom or dad, and say "hey, can i have ten bucks" and not feel the biggest form of guilt out there. i simply just dont do it. i wouldnt even think to do it, cuz i know they dont have ten dollars to just give me. something u can get with no hesitation..is something that i couldnt imagine asking for. and i dont think anyone will understand that. i guess i dont really want anyone to..nor do i even want people to know..but its actualy effecting me emotionaly.

Listen to your heart

Last night was pretty fun. Me angela and Jimmy went to the game and i haed a better time than i thot i would :) We lost but watevr.. After the game we went to the dance. it wasn't bad, but it wasn't as good as last year. i mean its cool when guys try to rape u n all...buuut i rather just dance with my friends :) After the dance me and angela went back to her house. what a night..and followed by the worst dream ever..

Hello time

WHAT?? its been a few weeks now...time is flying. i got the job at sears, so i've been all tied up in that stuff lately. tomorrow i have a drug test and depending on when they get the results, thats when i can start...

projects are coming at me left and right and im trying to be very careful with my time. im successful so far. im trying to finish things early, so i dont have to worry about them later. GOD ITS ONLY WEDNESDAY. today i got a debit card.

i also found that history is a bitch. i have so much homework for it...

5 minutes ago i realized how lucky i am to be happy right now. alot of people are content, but not really happy. like i am. school can be stressful but with my outside of school life, it balances out. im so happy i got a job, even though im nervous as to how much TIME its going to take up, and im so happy that i have the love of my life, kyle :) i love u dear. UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

i need to be doing history right now.
ill post later

bye : )

New things

So...school is in seshhh. We started friday. Me n jim didn't have a zero period so while angela was in hers we went n decorated her room with our presents :) happy 15th!! it looked totaly cute. plus our mini cupcakes we super cute too :D

School was cool i guess. My ihs classes are so different..morning is def. gunna take a while to get used to. fst is so boring...but good thing i have it with jimmy. it hasn't been hard yet, but im sure it'll get there.

Friday night i hung out with Angela and Jimmy. I was supposed to have an interview at sears at 6 but they cancled n rescedualed for Saturday. Nick and Kyle came over at like 9 and we all just hung out. I stayed the night for the first time in months...the next morning we ate cheescake and then i went home to get ready for my interview. im guessing it went well since im schedualed a 2nd interview this coming up friday.

Angela made me buy new boots......

Sunday i spent with kyle..well kinda. for like 3 hrs :/ i got off work at 3 then went home at 6. it was stupid. school really likes to ruin things....

Yesterday was the first day of zero period. waking up that early doesn't feel right. haha. i have a free 2nd and I T.A. third period. its pretty layed back..but i still wish i took ceramics.

Im frantic about community service hrs and i really hope i start doing them soon..this year is already scaring me.

i cant wait for two things:
a job
and my car :]]

>:|

happy first day of school.