Oh my gosh, yesss

you know what i love about Thursday nights? i can either do my homework, or not...and i did some of mine :) haha mm everyday of this week was stressful minus today. i think i did okay on my spanish test and i finished my lab book. not saying i did all of it right, but ill just pray he doesn't grade hard. 3rd was nice..we didn't do anything..i was mad that i didn't finish ch 6 tho. too many distractions! uhh vb sucks and i want it to die. mrs curtis said she liked my brochure tho :) haha.

im so happy tomorrow is friday! this week went by fast with all the hecticness. glad its over! oh and im scared for nest year. ahhh

i love the weather. sun + rayven = best friends

Dying

save me : (

uhmm good news, power point is monday. other than that life is maintaining lameness.

i read all my january posts after school. it was...weird. brought me back to some old, uh stuff. glad im done with that guy, wat a waste of feelings. thanks for a whole lot of nothin! but don't worry, no hard feelings. movin on : )

lately posts have just been about what i've been doing. nothing interesting. im lacking excitement in my writing. sadness.

oh, and im sorry that i don't seem to care anymore. its just, i dont.

and to you, i don't mean to be such a bitch. thing slip out.

and one more, YOU-- you make a lot of people around you sad. maybe you should think about the things you say and do. i love you though.

so tired.. i fall asleep easliy...
im out <3

Fuck you bitch

errr i hate today >:|
it sucks. it sucks. it sucks
i dont want this week to happen
im not ready
all i've got is complaints
i'd hate the be around me right now
im pissed off man!


night i guess

Cool Dayzz

this weekend is so ghetto...well actualy just my day yesterday. i did nothing. it was lame. but i finished mi tarea :p

me and jim went to see step up 2! and it was amazing. and i want to watch it over and over.

friday was good.

i hate school and i dont wanna go back for 5 damn days : ( i think i might die. i have to make a power point and present it thurs! and i also have a spanish test that day too. and i fkn have a C in the dang class! ugh..and a B in bio. it sucks. bio is so gay and boring..but i srsly dont have hw anymore haha. oh not to mention my brochure is due thursday also. wth man!

anyways..i feel sick..well i am..but sick as in im about to puke! i feel like all i eat is candy :p and being on my period doesn't help anything!! yeah too much info i kno. :p

ugh i heart life

Musica : )

Part 2

i've been sick : ( i havnt been in the mood for posting...but uh yeah i'll finish up my weekend.

so Sunday i met up with jimmy and we made cup cakes for avieta :) around 3 we went to the mall to meet up with her juli and emilee but eneded up being there for no longer then ten minutes. haha. for some reason after that is kind of a blurr...but eventualy we picked some people up and went back to her house. after some people came over and avi came home we took a limo to her restaurant. we snuck toyoe in and it was kinda funny :p id never been in a limo before, and it's kind of over rated. 300 bucks for something not even that cool? yeaaah..hah

so we ate...it was delicious. thai is my fav :]] it was kind of an endless dinner, it just kept comin! mm after we were all stuffed everyone took one of avi's balloons n decided to suck up all that helium n sound like chip munks :p bahaha. how entertaining...mm we all got up thinkin we were gunna go but HOLD ON! cake ; ) we were all standin around avi not really feelin eatn anything more...than juli dips her finger in the strawberry stuff on top of the cake...us thinking she was just gunnna try a bit of it...but then wipes it on avietas face...dun dun dun...and thats when it all started...apparently avieta got a nice hand full of cake in her hand and said to juli "you better clean this off my face!" so juli comes over to avieta n well, she got her good : ) at this time me and angela were already on the other side of the room hoping we wouldn't get cake all over us. some other people decided to play along and it was funny to watch, but everyone eventually got awkwardly mad at each other...avi's little cousin got a cup cake shoved in his face and went black on San's ass! bahaha that was kind of scary :p

after all that akward tension, everyone got back in the limo and off to walmart! haha how ghetto...not going into much detail we went there, then went back to avietas. we chilled there for a while but then we decided to get up n go to skinners. i wasn't really up for being up there in the dark but ionno they all thought itd be fun. we got there and we all got out of the cars and started walking up...i got freaked out cuz of San's dumb clown story so me and him followed juli and angela back to the car. he got a good scare out of me before i got back in the car tho :p everyone else came back n then we went back to walmart.... ; ) we sat there forever waiting for sunny n avi but sooner or later we left. some good times after words but yeaaaah lolzz

when we got back to avietas she went with sunny to drop some people off so me emille jimmy bryant and San sat in the kitchen and played the laughing game. i lost. a lot. haha that was fun tho :) after so long they came back home and we all went to bed like at 3 or something. i didn't sleep due to some extreme snoring. damn : p

so monday i didn't do a whole lot but chill with avi bryant and kyle. we went bowling...and i did better than i ever have : ) 110 ten baby! haha

mm thats all for tonight. im still sick...ergg how annoying.

Part 1

Friday-- kay so that wasn't that great...but hey, we need to get out of the habbit of sitting and doing nothing, as enjoyable as that can be. we are lazy asses! mm well i got home slightly early and went to bed around 8:30...

Saturday-- hellza good day. jimmy met me at my house and then we met up with kyle and we went downtown. we went to Buffalo and just walked around for a while. we went to American Apparel n then jimmy took us to the UO business building..? ionno but we went inside and it was really cool. they had really cool chairs and it was just really nice in there :]] we sat there for a good thirty min and decided to get up n go. we took the bus back to eugene station n then went to 5th street, n then to alton baker. it was extremely cold i might add. after the park we walked to borders n got warm..and then i went home! and went to bed at like 9:30 bahaha..

and i'll write about the rest of my weekend later :) im tired and i gotta call some people's back!

Back in the Day

my mom liked to dress me in my brothers clothes..

fatty cheeks...

i eat shoe : )

notice the fat rolls? bahaha

: )

Just for a good laugh : )

Valentines Day!

Gahh, i love valentines day :]] and for all you people who say you hate it, its only cuz you need to get urself a valentine hehe. but for real, jimmy was my sexy valentine and i made him a cake! and i also made kyle one ;) they were nummy...but ariel made cup cakes and so did angela..so we were kinda 'fun-fettied' out bahaha.

oh and for Jimmy's sake, cuz EVERYONE must know, HE MADE ME A SUPER CUTE CARD!



eh?! eh?! lolz.

oh n ariel gave me a balloon..it was..HAWT : ) after school me and angela and jimmy went to Ta Ra Rin n it was fab. jimmy payed ;) and that right there is what is so great about having a valentine...hehe just kidding i love him lots.



arnt we cute? : )

i havn't posted for the past two days bcuz i have been hella lazy...and i have just decided to not post everyday cuz thats a borfest and frankly, no one even cares! so yeah : )

im really tired. i need sleep! aghh i suck...

I Love

sitting doing nothing : ) i had a few things to do tonight but it took me maybe like an hour. i love life...hehe

today kind of sucked though...first period i realized im going to have to try really hard to get an A. my teacher grades really hard...shit ya kno? 2nd wasn't bad i just wasn't up for doing the lab...3rd was gayyy. had to write an in class essay...i kind of bsed it. oh well, i wasn't in the mood to write about oil....

but nothing makes me more happy than my free fourth :]] i didn't get anything done but whatever, not like i had alot of homework. yay me! mm i went to jimm'y after school. i would like to put it out there that he will always be my favorite :) nuf said!

oh, i took some old albums out of my attic today for espanol hehe. it was entertaining...god i was a fat lil kid lolz

thats all!

Sundays Should Die

i swear sundays are out to get me. bad things always happen...it's probably bcuz everyone is in a bad mood cuz the next day is school..or maybe not...anywho, i had a really depressing day...i was just really pissed of butf it was good? haha..

i came over to angelas like at 12 and we sat, a lot. at 2 she went to fan dance and me and jimmy watched britney spears music videos for like an hour but b.le came over and we went to vrc. we didn't do a whole lot, but it was enjoyable : )

i came home at 6 and did hw..it was really cool..? not much tonight either..

i kind of didn't post friday...ill make up for it later? ionno...im lazy and i want to talk to someone...mm yeah..

im still pissed that i didn't go the dance. rawr.

oh yeah, me and jimmy also found this :p



bahaha

So Cool...

what a fkn waste of my damn Saturday night! errg it makes me soo mad...i wanted to go to the dance so bad...seriously, it would have been so fun, but noooo. no one would go with me! eff you all :( i had been looking forward to it for so long...god damn.

on a happier note, i had a wonderful day. i stayed the night at angelas without meaning to cuz i was supposed to get a ride home but we both fell asleep at 11...bahaha we're so lame..but anywho i was too lazy to go home so i got ready there and then we went to starbucks. after that we had to kill some time before the bus came so we went to borders...we kind of got side tracked (for almost 3 hours) reading this book...i wont go into detail about it but lets just say it was interesting :p at like 4 we went to Jimmy's and then Kyle came over.

up until about 8:30 (when i got home) i was happy. no im just pissed off...i love wasting my night when i could be at a dance! rawr....

Lately..

I've been keeping to myself. i feel like instead of letting everyone around me know, not updating them about everything benefits me. I've learned to keep some things to myself because some people just don't understand and they tend to bring me down. they feel that i need their imput, that i don't know how to do things by myself. but hi, i am capable.

feel lucky if you are one of the people i tell everything too...cuz there is maybe one person that knows most if not all... it's not that i don't want the rest of yall to know, or that i don't trust you, its just i feel that you simply don't need to know. but don't take it personal. truthfully, it feels better this way...i guess i don't really like everyone knowing about some stuff...it just furthermore complicates it. i don't need complication.

right now, i feel so unbelievable. things are going so good. i want to stay in these moments forever. seriously, a new start was what i needed. i felt trapt, stuck, unable to fix myself. but I'm putting myself back together. I'm glad a lot of my stress has been taken off my shoulders. I'm feeling better lately. i think it's because I've learned a few things about those who surround me.


i didn't have much hw tonight...actually i haven't all week. i absolutely love it. this is what i neeeed : )

Back In July

i wrote this...

Have you ever thought to yourself about what this world is here for? The reasons? Well, my whole life i've been raised to believe in God. When i was younger i would go to church every Sunday. it wasn't really my choice but im glad i went.

i wouldn't say that im religious or anything, but i envy those who are..well to an extent.. i think its amazing as to how much faith a person can have in something that is so unexplainable.

As i got older, i realized how my extended family forced Christianity on me. They deliberately taught me that it was the only 'right' religion. They tried to get it into my head that every other belief was wrong...that those who didn't believe the same were well, bad. I think thats what caused me to rebel from that religion so much. they were so narrow minded and frankly i cant stand people like that.

I dont like it when people think what they belief is "right" or the only thing you should believe. actualy i take that back, i dont think its okay to go around telling everyone else what they think to be right is wrong.

I myself, was baptized a catholic like my mom. she has never forced me to believe anything but she did teach me that i should treat people right. you get what you give and karma is the real deal.

I'll admit, i have my doubts about many things, and i have not yet formed all my beliefs. I believe in God, yeah..but i'll also admit that i dont have that strong of faith. And I guess that that is what Christianity is based on. FAITH. sometime during my lifetime id like to read the bible and become a little more familiar with God because I love knowing about different religions. Personaly, Shintoism is a lot of fun to learn about. It all about like moving up in the world through how you live your life. thats what makes me so interested in it.

I believe many things and disagree with a lot of things too so I don't put myself into one religion.

I pray every. i think sometimes that God has planned out everyone's lives and things are 'fate'..but then again i also think that you make your fate..that you can make your life into whatever you want it to be. you are given a choice sumtimes... sumtimes between right and wrong, and sometimes you will do the right thing, and other times you wont. i believe that you cant just sin and God will forgive you. that mistakes are mistakes but they are no longer once you've made them countless times. sorry just doesn't cut it after so long.

something i have never understood is that many claim you be Christian…That they have dedicated their life to the lord, but yet fail to act in a selfless respectable manor. Shouldn't you treat people with respect? Should you put other people down? Should you say that your belief is the only right one out there? I think that being a good person has alot to do with religion. For me, being the best person i can be is proving to God that im trying my best to make this a better place. that i plan on leaving this world knowing i made a difference.

Giving; a way to prove that you care for others. Puting others before yourself; proves selflessness. that you don't only care about yourself. truthfully, i think everyone who thinks they are 'religious' should take another look at them selves. Who are you fooling? No one but yourself. (but major props to those who actually do as they say and ARE what they say)

I've decided that I don't really believe in a hell. That where you go in your after life depends on how you spent your life before. If you were a good person then you will be reincarnated into something better, and the other way around.

to be honest, i've never really been all that god savvy. but all i can say is that forcing your beliefs on other people isn't right. saying that what you believe is the right way to believe, is just wrong.

for example. gay marriages...whats wrong with it? how in the world are they hurting you and the way you live? how can you keep 2 people in love away from each other? how can you deprive someone of who they love? it's selfish to take they're right to love another person away from them. think about it... let people be. you have freedom to believe what you want but you don't have the right to FORCE people to believe it along with you.

now...
i can't say i agree 100% with all that i used to say...but most of it has stayed with me...


i was feeling kind of lost, so i asked what i should do...and all he said was that all i could do was pray...so i did. and thats what i will keep doing. i realized that i really do want to become closer with God, but i just don't know how. i want to have unconditional faith. i want to know he is out there. i want to know that if i ask for help, he will give me the chance to see what i can do to fix the problem. i dont want to just believe in him, i want to know he is there. i need that in my life. i've been lacking faith and that's not something i want to say. i've always said that i believed in him, but i dont really have any reason...all i could ever say was that it was just what i believed. i don't want to say that anymore.

i see that my thoughts have grown since the last time i've touched on this subject. but im still at the point where i not yet want to put myself in any labeled religion because i feel like i agree with many different beliefs and putting myself in one makes me feel obligation and at this young of an age, thats not something i can do. but i will always know what is best for me and i dont need a religion to tell what those things are.

New Leaf

So im in mad love with the new semester : ) totaly luvin it...

today was really good...didn't get much sleep last night though...kind of a bad-ish night :/ i was really down...not something ill go into detail about but i know its whats best for me. and it will make me happier in the long run. i just hope im making the right decisions. i feel like this is what i need to do.

i really want something real. something that can keep me together instead of tear me apart. i want something that will last and only bring me happiness. and i just feel like if i chase after it now thats not what i will find in the end. some things take time, and this is one of them...but i hope i didn't mess things up.

i havnt been writing much lately...i feel alot has been happening, but i just don't know how to write it down. and thats strange cuz writing comes easily to me. but for now, this is the way it is...

Yay!

im excited for tomorrow :] new classes woo hoo! this semester im going to try really really hard to get all A's. thatd be nice..

mm today was really good...like really good. i love days like these that i get to spend time with these ppls :p im really grateful for them...

this four day weekend has been so good. for real. it was a nice break. one of the best weekends in a real long time. i want it to last longer :[[ oh well...

well i need to go to my homework...supa fun ;)

Overlooking

everything :/ i don't know why i feel this way, but i can't deny it. im scared of it..more than anything..

it feels like everything is right, but i still want something more...i want to know its for real. at this point i really don't know what i want. nothing seems satisfying. im not ready to move up and on yet cuz im still baring some old feelings. not sure if they really are here to stay. or if they are even still there...

don't get me wrong i am happy...i just tend to look for whats wrong in everything. and for some reason, i feel there is something horribly wrong with this...this isn't what i should be feeling : (

Fer Realz

Se the post before this was just a make up for yesterday...but here's one for today :)

all day i've been layin around at home with jimmy and kyle. very lazy day. very much needed cuz i havn't been getting sleep cuz i've been out the past two nights. very rare thing. i loved today a lot...me and kyle were listening to jimmy's ipod and i found some really old songs i used to listen to. now i keep listening to "hate me" by Blue October and India Arie. reminds me of end of frosh year... mm i love finding old music. its refreshing and reminds me of old memories.

i was talking to my mom yesterday and she said that her and my dad were gunna get a new car and i can buy it from my daddy when i get my license :) it wont be like a spectacular amazing looking car, but it should be good. im real excited to drive. i've been waiting for what seems like forever. ahh!

i'd like to put it out there, that i am by far the happiest i have been this whole sophomore year. things are so good and i'm loving every minute...it took a while to feel this way with all the crap that goes on, but it was worth the wait...you cant appreciate happiness if you don't experience sadness. and i very well had my share...i hope the stress is done with. yay for bio and spanish :]] im so ready...

one more thing, happy February ; ) this month has always been good for me...
plus.. sweethearts are liife :D hehe

I Suck

i didn't post :/

but its okay because i was out yesterday cheeelin with jimmy n kyle ; ) good day...good night...my mom let me stay the night! it was kewl :p mm we stayed up till like 2...i slightly slept...and we ate this morning. so exciting. now we're at my house and im eating again....

i want to go hang out!