Back In July

i wrote this...

Have you ever thought to yourself about what this world is here for? The reasons? Well, my whole life i've been raised to believe in God. When i was younger i would go to church every Sunday. it wasn't really my choice but im glad i went.

i wouldn't say that im religious or anything, but i envy those who are..well to an extent.. i think its amazing as to how much faith a person can have in something that is so unexplainable.

As i got older, i realized how my extended family forced Christianity on me. They deliberately taught me that it was the only 'right' religion. They tried to get it into my head that every other belief was wrong...that those who didn't believe the same were well, bad. I think thats what caused me to rebel from that religion so much. they were so narrow minded and frankly i cant stand people like that.

I dont like it when people think what they belief is "right" or the only thing you should believe. actualy i take that back, i dont think its okay to go around telling everyone else what they think to be right is wrong.

I myself, was baptized a catholic like my mom. she has never forced me to believe anything but she did teach me that i should treat people right. you get what you give and karma is the real deal.

I'll admit, i have my doubts about many things, and i have not yet formed all my beliefs. I believe in God, yeah..but i'll also admit that i dont have that strong of faith. And I guess that that is what Christianity is based on. FAITH. sometime during my lifetime id like to read the bible and become a little more familiar with God because I love knowing about different religions. Personaly, Shintoism is a lot of fun to learn about. It all about like moving up in the world through how you live your life. thats what makes me so interested in it.

I believe many things and disagree with a lot of things too so I don't put myself into one religion.

I pray every. i think sometimes that God has planned out everyone's lives and things are 'fate'..but then again i also think that you make your fate..that you can make your life into whatever you want it to be. you are given a choice sumtimes... sumtimes between right and wrong, and sometimes you will do the right thing, and other times you wont. i believe that you cant just sin and God will forgive you. that mistakes are mistakes but they are no longer once you've made them countless times. sorry just doesn't cut it after so long.

something i have never understood is that many claim you be Christian…That they have dedicated their life to the lord, but yet fail to act in a selfless respectable manor. Shouldn't you treat people with respect? Should you put other people down? Should you say that your belief is the only right one out there? I think that being a good person has alot to do with religion. For me, being the best person i can be is proving to God that im trying my best to make this a better place. that i plan on leaving this world knowing i made a difference.

Giving; a way to prove that you care for others. Puting others before yourself; proves selflessness. that you don't only care about yourself. truthfully, i think everyone who thinks they are 'religious' should take another look at them selves. Who are you fooling? No one but yourself. (but major props to those who actually do as they say and ARE what they say)

I've decided that I don't really believe in a hell. That where you go in your after life depends on how you spent your life before. If you were a good person then you will be reincarnated into something better, and the other way around.

to be honest, i've never really been all that god savvy. but all i can say is that forcing your beliefs on other people isn't right. saying that what you believe is the right way to believe, is just wrong.

for example. gay marriages...whats wrong with it? how in the world are they hurting you and the way you live? how can you keep 2 people in love away from each other? how can you deprive someone of who they love? it's selfish to take they're right to love another person away from them. think about it... let people be. you have freedom to believe what you want but you don't have the right to FORCE people to believe it along with you.

now...
i can't say i agree 100% with all that i used to say...but most of it has stayed with me...


i was feeling kind of lost, so i asked what i should do...and all he said was that all i could do was pray...so i did. and thats what i will keep doing. i realized that i really do want to become closer with God, but i just don't know how. i want to have unconditional faith. i want to know he is out there. i want to know that if i ask for help, he will give me the chance to see what i can do to fix the problem. i dont want to just believe in him, i want to know he is there. i need that in my life. i've been lacking faith and that's not something i want to say. i've always said that i believed in him, but i dont really have any reason...all i could ever say was that it was just what i believed. i don't want to say that anymore.

i see that my thoughts have grown since the last time i've touched on this subject. but im still at the point where i not yet want to put myself in any labeled religion because i feel like i agree with many different beliefs and putting myself in one makes me feel obligation and at this young of an age, thats not something i can do. but i will always know what is best for me and i dont need a religion to tell what those things are.