To a new year

How do i start with this past year...2008...to start i guess i have to say its been a ride. a good, but bumpy one. and of course SO much has happened. but that inevitable. growing, learning, getting hurt. life happened.

January, a new relationship had been formed with someone i never knew could mean so much to me. and now we're been together for 9 months. i let go of a crush i thought was a break through for me, but really it was just a stepping stone to get me to where i am now. i thank him for the new start. he probably has no idea what he did for me, and he doesn't have to know. this month i learned alot about what i want and whats best for me.

February, a month i expected to be extraordinary like the year befores. but it was just another month of getting to know the new guy in my life. and denying what i felt. nothing new right :p We already started are trip together, but we weren't yet official. because i was scared. i tryed pushing him away, i tried running away, but the only thing that made me happy was him. so i stuck with my gut.

March, together we talked it through..my fears, his fears, and we realized what we wanted. thats when we got together .scariest, but most wonderful decision this year. i have to tell you it took guts to jump into a relationship after a disasterous one. but this guy, he reasured me he'd be different. and my God, he is different in all the right ways. this month is what i call the begining of a new life. a new life with a person i really care about.

April, there isn't much i can remember about april to be completely honest. i think it mostly consisted of school. plain and simple. school, sleep, eat and my favorite, weekends :) time i got to spend with the people i enjoy most. but then i also relized an old friend who i started to miss teribly. i needed him back in my life.

May, i believe this is a month where i became friends with someone id been friends with all through middle school and freshman year. it was more like we forgave, and tried to forget. but i cant say things ever went back to what they were, but im glad he's back in my life. he has always meant alot to me. I also remember gaining someone back who has always meant the world to me. yaya, nick. of course we were friends..but i feel like around this time we started becoming better friends. remembering what was so great about eachother. and i remember him always trying to get me to go to church with him and i wanted to, but i felt like it would be...strange...but i gave in and told him i would. for a couple of weekends i went with him and i found that i really enjoyed it. but that started hurting someone else so i stopped. it wasn't much of a big deal though. we were still great friends. and looking back, i miss him so much.

June, finally school was out. i was so excited. total freedom for 3 months. nothing could be better. at this point me and kyle were inseperable. i'd never felt like someone ever loved me as much as he did then. and it drives me crazy that i didn't see it and appreciate it. regardless, i loved spending time with him and before he left for wildhorse we dedicated most our time with eachother. the night before he left was so emotional for me. i had never been away from him. a week seemed so long. so i cried and wished that the next hours would just stop. they didnt and i eventualy went home. that was the slowest week of my life. no joke. i couldnt keep him off my mind. so when he got back, all i wanted to do was be with him. only him. i shut my friends out and focused on him. then i realized what i was doing and had to take a step back and take a look at myself. i was dedicating all myself to him, he was doing the same. where were my friends supposed to fit into my life when all i do is spend it with my boyfriend? i started trying to spend time with them but then they got sick of us two. so it was time to do my thing and for him to do his. this is when we started balancing our time. it was good for us.

July, kind of a blurr. i remember spending alot of time with nick. i think kyle was gone a lot. but this was a really fun month. and i learned to cope with kyle being gone for a little. i wasn't as...depressed when he was gone. haha :P but of course i always missed him and i looooved when he came back so i could hold him in my arms and kiss him over n over :] my birthday was great. all i can say is that i miss that day. my friends made it amazing. they are the greatest friends!!

August, CHANGE. thats what i experienced. fear, jealousy and lonliness.. maybe? i wont go into detail but this wasn't a good month for me. that 'june feeling' not here anymore. this was the first time i felt me and kyles relationship was in a little trouble. it was such a weird feeling. one i never thought id feel with him. this feeling didnt exactly grow out of me. but on a happier note, i got my lisense. way exciting for me. but still, no car, atleast not one that i was allowed to actualy have.

September, last months feelling lingered along time into school. it was weird not spending all the time with kyle like we used to. it was hurting me but idk about him. he seemed happier than ever...and thats what made me so sad. its this "switch" of our feelings that scared me so much. and i wont explain that either cuz only i can understand that. aside from my social life, i got a job. and it was a big stepping stone. to put it simply, one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

October, this where i feel the real world kicked in. all this school responsibility. totaly stressful but i began to feel on top of things. like i knew what i was doing with my life. i felt a little more together than usual. it was a great feeling. homecoming was amazing. it showed me that things usually turn out for the better. and that i always expect the worst. it was an incredibly wonderful night.

November, one word...OBAMA. history in the making :D on the other hand, this was a tough month for me, socially, and at work. but most importantly with kyle. things we're just not right. and this didn't seem to go away no matter what i did.

December, a lazy month! but also, filled with stuff. good, and bad feelings. good, and bad times. me and kyle we still trying to work out all these problems. and even when we fixed them, they kept popping up. but just for me. i was the sad one. who knows why. i couldn't stop that feeling. i was ready to get out school. and 3 snow days the last week before break felt amazing. but it left us all a little spoiled. break has been wonderful. me and kyle finally, atl least i feel, have worked things out. i've never felt stronger with him. i spent over 300 on presents. and i loved spending every cent of it on the people i love :) christmas was amazing, and i got alot of hours in at work. it was an incredibl month for apps. over 50! i just got payed tonight 350 ;) BALLA STAUS haha :p anyways, last night we celebrated New Years. such a great night. spent it with my love, angela, jimmy, ariel, elaina, katy, and tyler at angelas. her family had a huge party and it was surprisingly great. thats all i gotta say :D oh, but i was super happy that kyle spent it with me, it meant alot. all i can say is that im not ready to go back to school. but im sure i will be fine, i always am :)

new years resolution? geez, still gotta think about that one.