Meaningless posts

there seems to be alot. but it think right now i need to let off some steam. talk about people, things, everything. i think i've been keeping it all in.

you know how much i love you. i think you use it to your advantage sometimes. your the only guy i've given everything to. i share everything with you. your my life and complete happiness. you keep me together, and you tear me apart. if there is one thing i look forward to in my day, in my week, in my life, its you. im almost scared that you made me the way i am. im scared that ive gotten too attched to you and that you are detaching yourself from me. im affraid i cling to you and im affraid that you are starting to despise it, and me. through it all you are where my feelings come from. when we arnt okay, im not okay. if some other aspect in my life is falling apart, when im with you all those worries and problems fade away. it sucks that i dont feel needed anymore, and that you've branched out to other people. i feel worthless half of the time that im not with you becuase your out with other people. i've never fealt jealousy like i have with you. ive never felt pain like i have with you. i've never felt love like i have with you. you done understand how sad it makes me when you dont pay attention to me. when you ignore that im upset, or you pretend im okay when im not. there's so many things i could say about you. as much as my heart tells me your perfect, my head tells me a whole other story. it tells me i need to stop the hurting, stop crying, stop you from tearing into every single piece of me...before its too late. but the thing is, its already to late... you invade all my thoughts. my head tells me i've goten myself into a mess by all the things i've done. but my heart seems to have all the power. i've always been able to make the right decision. but all i want is to make the decision that makes me closer to you. theres alot of things wrong with the way things are. theres alot of things right with the way things are. i wish we were closer, i wish you loved me more, i wish you would be as loyal and reliable as i am. i wish you would realize the hurt you put on me. and i wish that i felt like i have all that i deserve, becuase i know im too good to be hurt all the time. what can i say, my heart speaks louder than anything else. it wants you and only you.

on to you...my god i could say a million things to you. I MISS YOU. i miss talking to you, i miss laughing with you, i miss it all so much. i feel angry and frustrated and i just want us to be back to being close. i dont want u to replace me with someone else. i want to be your best friend. my hearts been hurting. this year has torn us out from beneath eachother. your my rock. i need you in my life, i hope you know that.

and you...i dont even know where to start with you...i dont know whether to hate you or love you. i look back on all our good times, all the times we've spent together. all the laughs...all the phone calls...and the jokes...god it makes me so confused. i thought after everything you'd be the one i could run to. you used to be that person. i dont know what happened, nor why you push yourself away from me. but it hurts to know that you are trying to stay away from me. things are so complicated with you. why cant we just be friends? things have always been complicated between us, its like the world needs us to be apart. like no one wants us to be friends. reguardless, i love you with every beat of my heart. you'll always be in my heart, and ill never forget anything. you're far to important. you;ve made such an impact on me