Making Up

for that missed day..yes, its that important..

lets see, i want some sexy abs. knamean? ;)

anywho..

congrats for me who decided to share this with you..yay funny ppl :]]
V

read.laugh.and enjoy! maybe you've heard em' before, but id like to look back on this one day and remember what wonderful laughter this brought me :) a keepsake i suppose.


"One of my friends has a stutter and a lot of people think that's a bad thing, but to me that's just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That's not an impediment, that's suspense! What's he going to say? Car?? …or Carnival?? …Carburetor!?!? Man…'

"The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades."

"I think vests are all about protection. You know what I mean? Like a lifevest protects you from drowning and bulletproof vests protect you from getting shot and the sweater vest protects you from pretty girls. 'Leave me alone. Can't you see I'm cold just right here?'"

"I went into a deli and got an egg sandwich and a hot chocolate. And then I went outside and I had to get a cab, so I had to put up one of my hands. But I already started eating my sandwich; I took it out of the bag, I was impatient. So my choice was hold up an egg sandwich or hold up a hot chocolate to get a car. So I chose the hot chocolate. And I put it up there and no cab stopped and I realized it was because I looked like I was toasting traffic. Standing on the street, 'Here's to you guys, to everybody heading west, I just wanna say I like what you do… but one of you needs to stop, pick me up.'"

"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."

"The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly."

"I wonder what the word for dots looks like in braille."

"I was in a shoe store and the guys call me boss, and I said, "Ya, can i just get those sneakers in a 10?" And uh, he said, "Okay" and then he went down stairs. He came back and he said, "I don't have a 10, I have a 9." "Oh great, because while you were downstairs, my toes were severed off. So that works out. Normally it would be stupid for you to tell me a number different than the one I said, 'cause it goes with my body part. But given my very recent accident, you're right on. I'll take the 9's and a pile of band-aids, thank you. You're re-hired 'cause you're a genius."

"I heard this lady say "I love kids." That's nice, a little weird though. It's like saying "I like people, for a little while." "How old are you? 14? Fuck off!" You can say "I love kids" as a general statement, that's fine. It's when you get specific that you get in to trouble. "I love twelve-year-olds."